i HEART harry potter!

So I just finished "Harry Potter and the Deathly Shadows" and I'm a complete mess. No other book has ever made me cry like this one did. It wasn't just the story but knowing that this is the last Harry Potter book. These books are so amazing! I love that they take you to another world. They introduce you to new words that you're just not sure how to pronounce - I didn't know how to say Hermione until I saw the first movie. Now what am I going to read??!!

retail therapy

A few weeks ago, things at work took a turn for the worse. I love my job and most of the people that I work with, but my workplace is pretty crappy these days. So, after a miserable week, I ducked out of work early and went to a craft show at the Santa Monica Civic Center that one of my volunteers told me about. It was a lot nicer than I expected. They had beautiful art, jewelry and other things. I bought some darling silver mermaid earrings, a pink crocodile passport cover (too cute) and a lilac sachet. I saw a mezzuzah that I considered buying for the baby's room, but passed.

After the craft fair, I went to the Santa Monica Place. I honestly don't know what got in to me but I decided to walk in to Gymboree. I really hadn't bought anything for baby other than the items from Europe. I wasn't looking to spend a lot of money so I went straight to the sale rack. I started looking through and couldn't believe my eyes. There was this darling dress with little pictures all over it. I looked closely and it said Spanish Steps. I looked again and saw Gelateria. The dress had little pictures of landmarks in Rome. Having just returned from Rome, I loved it. I bought this darling jumper and the matching dress.

Well, shortly thereafter I lost my "I can't buy too much too early" sense and it's been a blast. After buying these pieces I went to Ebay where I found the dress in a larger size and a matching blanket. Oh my goodness.....I love this line!!!

random thoughts...

I've still got more adoption process to blog about, but it has occurred to me that eventually I'm going to run out of adoption stuff to talk about. So, every now and again I'll take the opportunity to discuss random topics. Here is my first "random" post...

Last weekend I watched the Concert for Diana and this weekend I watched Live Earth. Being a huge music fan, it was fun to see some of my favorite acts performing live. Actually, I was surprised to see so many of the bands from the Diana show playing again this weekend for Live Earth. Then I got to thinking...if I was going to plan a big benefit concert, which artists/bands would I want to include? So just for fun, I came up with my top 10. They are (in no particular order):

Keane
Depeche Mode
Justin Timberlake
Rick Springfield
Chicago
Duran Duran
Sting
Damien Rice
Goo Goo Dolls
REM

I'm not sure what my taste in music says about me. Gosh, at first glance I'm thinking....where are the women? And what year is it for crying out loud? I think to a certain extent I'm still living in the past. I mean, how many women my age are still gaga for Rick Springfield? I don't just remember him fondly from high school, I have all of his cds and see him live every year. Come to think of it though, my friends E, K and Y all like him too! My friend E even pinched his behind when we saw him at the House of Blues a few years ago. It was one of the funniest things ever! I can't wait to tell her daughter all about it one day.

Honestly though, there are tons of other artists that I love. For what seems like forever, my mom and I always go to tons of concerts every summer. I guess I should enjoy this summer since it will probably be my last, huh? At least until my baby girl is old enough to come along. I can remember seeing Barry Manilow with my mom at Universal when it didn't have a roof. We also saw bands like Styx and the Doobie Brothers. I truly don't know how I got her to take me to see Adam Ant one year. She still has not forgiven me for that. I must have been very persuasive. Anyway, I hope my baby girl loves music as much as me and my mom do. It will be such a fun thing for us to all do together.

when in rome

So, I did all I could for my home study and then my mom and I went to London and Rome for two weeks at the end of April. We had a FANTASTIC time. I took over 800 pictures. I think the reason I took pictures of practically everything I saw was because I'm afraid it will be MANY, MANY years before I get back!

So far, I hadn't really bought anything for my baby girl. The only exception was in February, while in Monterey for work, I bought a children's book and small otter stuffed animal at the aquarium. They were just sooo cute!

I decided that while I was in Europe I had to buy a few things since I won't likely be back for a while. I have to say it was so much fun shopping for her. We started our trip in London where the first thing I bought was at Harrod's. I found this cute pink bear and bib.

The next purchase was at the London Eye. We found this darling children's book called Little Lillie Visits the London Eye. It's about a little girl named Lillie who has a magic basket that transports her to magical places. I loved that it was about the place we just visited. I looked in the back of the book and found that there were others. While at Windsor Castle, I bought Little Lillie Visits Windsor Castle. We scoured London for the other books, but no luck. Sadly, and oddly, they're not available on their website. Oh well, I'll keep looking.

While trying to find the other Little Lillie books, we found these darling Katie Books: Katie in London, Katie and the Mona Lisa and Katie and the Sunflowers.

Then it was off to Rome. I found this great Pippi Longstockings book that was in Italian and my mom thought I was crazy for wanting to buy it. She talked me out of it but I did buy this Little Mermaid board book in Italian. My girl is going to be so worldly! (p.s. I found the same Pippi book in English on Ebay when I got home!)

Last, and most certainly not least, my mom bought my baby girl this beautiful rosebud dress. *Thank you grandma!* We bought it a little big (about a 2T) so it will probably be a while before she grows into it. I'll definitely save it for a special occasion. I can't wait to see her in it.

journey abroad

In accordance with the Hague Convention, all prospective adoptive parents are now required to complete 10 hours of "adoptive parent" training. It must be completed before the home study can be finalized. Vista calls theirs "Journey Abroad." It was held over 3 Wednesdays. The first two classes were 3 hours and the last class, which included a potluck, was 4 hours.

I was definitely apprehensive about the classes. What if there were no other single parents? Who would I connect with? What were we going to talk about? What if it is boring? Well, when I walked into the class the first night, one of my biggest concerns was realized. I was the only single parent. There were 4 couples and me. Oh boy. As the night went on though, I realized that they were a great group of people. At that point I hadn't decided to adopt from Vietnam; I was still thinking about Guatemala. Each of us was adopting from a different country - China, Haiti, Ukraine and Kazakhstan. Our facilitator was nice as well. She was a little off the first night (she forgot our manuals) but she was very supportive and provided great information.

We discussed various topics over the three nights including: why we were adopting, what we were worried about, what we hoped to learn from the classes, developmental milestones, institutionalization, common behavior issues, adoption gains and losses, discipline, attachment, medical issues, culture and handling post adoption questions. A lot of the information was common sense and a lot I knew from my social work days, but believe me when I tell you that it was extremely valuable to discuss these topics with others. It was interesting to hear the different perspectives, concerns and plans.

For the second class we were asked to bring an item that connects us with our culture or religion. I really struggled with this. What is my culture? I'm a Caucasian American. My grandparents were born abroad but I don't know much about their ancestry. Basically, I couldn't come up with much. So, even though I'm not very religious, I ended up bringing a wooden dreidel. I can't tell you how surprised I was to find that 3 others in the group were Jewish. Two of the others brought mezuzahs and the third brought a Kiddush cup. It was interesting to hear everyone describe their items and what they meant to them.

The last night was a potluck. By that time I had switched countries to Vietnam. Each couple (and me) were supposed to bring a food from the country we were adopting from. Well, I am not a great cook. I mean, I make a mean brisket, lemon pasta, pasta carbonara, honey mustard chicken and ribollita. I am also quite the baker; my daughter will never want for cookies or cupcakes. But most nights, since I'm single, it's pasta, soup or take out. So, coming up with a Vietnamese recipe was no easy thing. I searched for hours online but found that most recipes were for fish and I'm not a big fish eater. Also, I knew there were vegetarians in the class. I just didn't see myself making egg rolls, especially on a work night. Some of the desserts actually sounded pretty good, but didn't seem very authentic. So, I wussed out and ended up finding a Vietnamese restaurant, Le Saigon, nearby. I ended up ordering Cha Gio (vegetable imperial rolls) and Goi Cuon (shrimp spring rolls). Of course, when I got to class, I discovered that I was the ONLY one who didn't cook. In fact, one of the husbands actually made these Pierogi type things that were delicious. In the end, my rolls were a big hit. In fact, some of the "vegetarians" even ate the shrimp rolls. Everything was yummy!

I have to say that I loved the classes. I so enjoyed getting to know the other couples and it was nice to talk with others who were going through the same process. On the last night, I brought my camera and we took a group photo for prosperity. We left the last class promising to stay in touch and some of us have. One couple even had a dinner party for the group. (I could go on and on about how amazing their house in Glendale was, but I won't.)

So that was my "journey abroad" experience. I can assure you that the learning does not end there. I've been reading up on Vietnam and am planning to read "What to Expect in the First Year." I have a feeling I'll be learning for the next 18 years.

the home study

Well, the first big step towards becoming a mom was picking a home study agency and getting started. My friends L and D both used Vista Del Mar for their home study. I had worked with them as a social worker and child advocate and I knew they had a good reputation. So, on February 1st I sent off my application (and a check) to initiate my home study.

In return, Vista sent me a packet of paperwork. I had to write an autobiography, which honestly, up to this point, has been the hardest thing for me. I had to summarize my life in 4 pages or less. I'm 38 years old for crying out loud...what do you include and what do you leave out? Somehow I managed to get it done in 4 full pages, double spaced. The rest of the stuff was pretty easy - criminal record statement, fingerprinting, medical exam, employment verification, tax returns, bank statements, birth certificate and a bunch of agency forms. I also had to ask 4 dear friends to write letters of recommendation for me. Thankfully, they were all more than happy to do so. (My friends rock!) I finally finished everything and dropped it all off to Vista on March 14th. The next day, I was assigned a social worker.

I was nervous about my first visit with the social worker. I just didn't know what to expect. The visit took place in her office on March 28th. It was pretty casual really. My sw was very friendly. She asked a bunch of questions about me and my family. A few, I'm embarrassed to admit, I couldn't answer....like about my family ancestry. We spoke for a little less than an hour and then we were done. Needless to say, I went home and immediately starting researching my family history. I didn't want to look stupid in the second interview.

My second visit was on April 4th, again, in the sw's office. Again, it was pretty casual. We discussed the information in my autobiography. We also talked about why I chose Vietnam and my parenting style. The final visit, a home inspection, was scheduled for the following week.

This part made me nervous. I cleaned my apartment like it had never been cleaned before. I actually unpacked boxes that I'd had in the closet since I moved in 3 years earlier. I threw out old magazines even cleaned out the fridge. I bought fire extinguishers and had flowers out on the table. I even moved the cat's food off the dining room table and down to the floor where normal people feed their animals. *side note* I keep bailey's food and water on the dining room table because I had a horrible ant problem a few years ago, and this was an easy solution. Since I'm single, I rarely eat at the dining room table anyway. And when I do have guests, I just move everything. I know it's not normal!

When the sw arrived at my place on April 12th, she had a draft of my home study with her. She asked me to read it over and mark any errors. I can't tell you how it felt to read the last page where it said I was "approved and recommended for the adoption of one child." The sw stayed for a short while and really wasn't interested in the nooks and crannies of my place. She didn't open a drawer or closet. She just wanted a quick tour and then we sat on the sofa. When we were talking about baby proofing, I had to bite my tongue when she told me I'd have to find a higher place to keep that cat food so the baby can't get to it. I told her I'd see what I could come up with. We talked about what my next steps would be and about the vacation I had planned. I was going to London and Rome for 2 weeks and she told me I could start buying things for my daughter-to-be.

And just like that, the home study was done. All that was left was for her to print the final copy. Then it had to be signed by her supervisor and notarized. I was going on vacation so she told me I could pick it up as soon as I got back.

We got home from Rome on Monday, May 7th. I took the 8th off work to recuperate and picked up completed home study on May 9th! Now that was one thing I could check off my list!

the decision to adopt

Last year, on my birthday, it hit me that I was another year older and still single. I wasn't just single, I wasn't meeting new guys or dating anyone. I have always wanted to be a mom and I realized that at this point in my life it was more important for me to be a mom than to be a wife. So, I decided not to let the fact that I'm still single stop me from being a mom.

I pretty much knew from the get go that artificial insemination was not for me. I didn't want to be pregnant alone. I also knew, thanks to my years as a social worker and child advocate, that adopting thru the foster care system was not something I wanted to do. I don't think my heart could take it. There was something about International Adoption that felt right. With the complete support of my family and friends, I started looking into it.

I knew a couple of people at work who had adopted from China so I decided that I would start with them. I soon learned that not one, but two of my co-workers were in the process of adopting from China. I called my friend L and she was so amazing. She shared all the info she had and offered to help any way that she could. Before I knew it, I was on the waiting list for a baby. All I had to do for this to happen was fill out one page and fax it to US Asian Affairs. Then, they said, I had to wait until I was high enough on the waiting list to start my paperwork. Sadly, little time passed before it was announced that China was closing to singles. My friend L had been in the process so long that she was just waiting to be matched. My other friend, D, was on the waiting list like me, but she was high enough to still qualify. I was too far down the list to proceed. Bummer, I thought. Now what?

I have some friends who adopted a little boy from Russia so I started looking into that. Everything sounded good except the travel. You have to make two separate trips which total over a month and I knew there was no way I could take that much time off from work before I even had the child.

I remembered that my best friend E had a friend who had adopted from Guatemala several years earlier. We got in touch via email and she talked me thru the process. Actually, Guatemala sounded great because the babies are younger, it's a short flight to Guatemala, you only have to stay for about a week and the wait times didn't seem too long. I started researching agencies and found one that I liked that is located in NC. Then I joined a few listserves for people adopting from Guatemala. It was then that I learned about all of the turmoil going on with Guatemalan adoptions right now. I decided to start my home study with a local agency that I used to work with as a social worker and at CASA. (More on this in a future entry) Eventually I came to the decision that the process of adopting is stressful enough and I didn't want to deal with the country possibly shutting down to adoptions so I decided to choose yet another country. Since I had already signed with a placement agency, I had to look at what other countries they had available for singles. That's how I got to Vietnam.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I didn't consider Vietnam in the first place. Probably because I didn't know anyone who had adopted from there. Now, however, thanks to the good ol' Internet, I have a huge circle of cyber friends who have either adopted or are in the process of adopting from Vietnam. They are a great source of information and support! In fact, if it weren't for them, it never would have occurred to me to start a blog.

So, that's how I made the decision to adopt and to adopt from Vietnam.

gotta start somewhere....

So, I've been saying for a few weeks now that I wanted to start a journal. It was something that my social worker recommended when she came for my home visit. Really, it sounded like a great idea. I could write about all the things I had to do and go thru to finally become a mom. I even bought a cute little book, but just couldn't get myself to start writing in it. Then I started thinking. I'm on the computer ALL THE TIME. And, I've been enjoying reading the blogs of others who are in the process of adopting, so I thought I'd start my own. Not only will it be a record of the process for my baby girl to see one day, but it will be a great way to keep my friends and family informed of my progress.

So....here it is. My blog - "and bailey makes three." Anyone who knows me knows that bailey is my cat.

And when my baby girl gets here, there will be three of us. Hence, the name.

Well, I'm gonna leave it at that for this first post. This weekend I'll start writing about my adoption journey so far.