Well here comes another week. Oh joy! (Can you hear the sarcasm?) My agency is having a conference call tomorrow but I don't expect any information about how much longer I am going to have to wait to bring Sadie home. There is absolutely no way of knowing. She turns 11 months old on Friday. Another milestone I am missing. I received new pictures of her on Friday and they make me so sad. I don't even want to share them with anyone. She looks so unhappy. Not just bored or not smiling, but truly unhappy. I had specifically asked for a picture of her with something from the care package I sent her some time ago, but that didn't happen. I was truly hoping for a picture of her holding my picture. I know many other families have received a picture like that but not me. Honestly, I have no idea if she ever received anything that I sent to her. The only bright spot in these new pictures is that it shows her sitting up on her own on the floor. So now I know that she can stand up in her crib and sit up on her own.
I hate how this mess with the I600 has changed me. I hate that I am constantly complaining and crying. I am not a negative person, or at least I didn't used to be. I know there are families that have been waiting for approval longer than I have but I think Sadie is older than a lot of their children. Granted, it's only by a few months, but every month counts. When I started this process, I was told to expect that my child would be about 6-9 months old when she came home. At this point she'll be over a year old. I know age is just a number but I hate thinking about all the things that I have missed and that she has missed out on. Am I ready for a walking baby? I can assure you that Bailey is not. One of my volunteers told me some time ago that it doesn't matter how long it takes to bring her home because we will have a lifetime together. I am really trying to hold on to this this thought. I know she's right. People say I'll forget the wait once she is home but I just hope I can forget and let go of the anger and frustration that I'm feeling. I know I'll have stress, but it will be new mommy stress. I'm OK with that. I'm actually looking forward to that. I'm just worried that this mess is going to change me forever; and not in a good way.