sad...mad...bad

I wish it was January 15th again.  That was such a happy day.  I got to file my I600 and I was so excited.  I knew that was the last thing I had to do before I could go get Sadie.  I figured I'd be traveling in February or March, at the latest.  I started buying smaller baby clothes because most of what I have is 12-18 months and larger and my girl is such a peanut.  I bought some small toys that would pack easily.  I started looking for a cat sitter for Bailey.  I was on cloud nine. 

Boy how things can change.  I've pretty much stopped buying things now.  And when I can't stop myself, I buy 2T and 3T.  I haven't bothered with my travel shots or meeting the pediatrician yet.  I had the baby proofer out for a survey, but haven't had them back out to get started yet. Her car seat is sitting in the middle of my living room and I haven't even taken her stroller out of the box. 

In my nightly blog checks I've seen several lately where the families just filed their I600 or just got their acknowledgment and they have already packed their baby's suitcase.  I wish I could be that excited and hopeful again. 

I'm at the point where I am preparing myself for her not to be home for her first birthday or in my arms on my first Mother's Day.  All of this sadness and anger is eating away at me.  The stress is not helping my migraines.  I need to refocus and find something to be happy about.  My friends and family are so great, but when I'm home alone, I'm a mess.  There are 3 families from my agency who have been waiting over 130 days for approval.  I honestly don't know how they are coping at this point.

This weekend, I am going to make myself blog about happy things only.  No stressed out or angry posts.  At least till Monday.